In light of all of the issues going on in the Christian community concerning lust and marriage, I want to take the opportunity to glorify God and tell the truth of what the truth/power of God’s word can do. This is my testimony.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it...

I got married at 19, and by no means was I ready, nor did I understand all that marriage entailed, but I was in love and wanted to be married to a woman that I was good friends with throughout high school. I really loved her, so I thought, and never foresaw any trouble in our path, but inevitably it came. I wasn’t saved when we initially got married, and finally came to a saving knowledge of Christ after our son was born. It was actually after I had been with Christ for a time that we came upon the largest hurdle a marriage can face. I’ll go ahead and attribute 90% of our marital problems to me not having a right heart towards God or my wife. I got wrapped up in pornography and lust and it almost destroyed me. As with any sin, if it goes unchecked it will degenerate until it spirals out of control. I had come to a point after about 12 years of marriage (and two kids) that I wasn’t satisfied with what God had given me. Long story short I cheated on my wife, not physically but through chat rooms and phone conversations I did not fulfill my obligation to forsake all others and love only my wife (Matt 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart ). I thank God He saw fit to expose my sin; it sparked a change in my life. My wife and I were in the midst of a crisis, and as we had been taught, we ran to the Throne of Grace.

My wife decided that she wanted our marriage, and I decided that I wanted the same. It took some time for trust to be restored and for healing to come to our relationship, but it did. Even after all of that and how my wife had stuck by me, I still didn’t love her as I should’ve. For the most part I refrained from engaging in pornography, but I still struggled with it. I changed my mind regarding pornography and submitted that to God to be done with it. Temptation still comes, but things are different now because I believe God gave me my wife to satisfy my desires (1st Cor 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency ). So with that being done, we moved because I got a new assignment.

Finally, I started loving my wife. Even saying that, I don’t believe that I knew what I had. I had forgotten that my wife was an answered prayer that I made long ago and God answered even though He didn’t have to listen to me because I had not committed to Him yet. It took a forced sabbatical (deployment) for me to see the importance of my marriage and what it truly meant to love my wife. When I got selected to deploy it all came to me like an epiphany. I was about to be separated from my wife, and kids, for four months; I saw what I was going to be missing and was heartbroken.

Let me tell you a little about my wife. She has never asked me for anything but my heart and commitment to her. I mean she has asked for my time, for me to make her feel special/appreciated/secure in our love/relationship; that should’ve been a given, but I had stiff armed that for the longest time. Call it pride, selfishness, or foolishness. Whatever the case, I never gave my wife what she needed even though she always me her all. Once again, the deployment order changed all of that.
I realized that once I stepped on that plane it might be the last time I got to see the wife of my youth. Armed with that knowledge I decided to make the time prior to me leaving as meaningful as possible. I began to pray to God to change me and help me to love my wife according to her needs and not what I thought was best. That turned into my daily prayer, and I began to put into action things to show I was sincere in my request. Shortly after, God revealed the Eph 5:25 to me. I had read it before, but it had never meant so much to me.

Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Christ, loved the church so much that He gave up everything for it. He walked with spent time/mentored/fellowshipped/talked/taught/loved His people, His church. There was no fault or falsehood in Him, but He suffered his body to be bruised and scarred so His church could be presented before the Father without spot or blemish. Christ allowed himself to be ridiculed and shamed, all for the love of His church. Christ’s sacrifice combined with Eph 5:25 really put in perspective the call and ministry of a husband. My first ministry is to my wife. Love God first and foremost, and through His love, love my wife and demonstrate His love. Paul said “1Co 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife”, this is not a put down, this is a charge and a calling to make sure that she is comfortable. I am finally fulfilling my godly calling by committing myself to loving my wife.

Through God, I have been able to turn from things I used to prefer. Through God, my wife has become the light of my eyes. Through God, I have fallen in love all over again with the wife of my youth. I have never been more passionate or committed than I am on this day. I have finally begun to give my wife the things that she has been asking of me for years, and I have never been so happy.
I’m humbled. God helped me to swallow my pride and to make myself a servant so that she could be happy; Christ did that for us, so why not? It has been so rewarding. God has helped me to come out of my comfort zone and loosed my tongue to tell my wife what is on my heart and mind concerning her. I have made myself vulnerable to her, started to compliment her, express the depth of my love/commitment for her, tell her she is beautiful, and make her feel desired. These things may not seem like a lot, but I disregarded them/her feelings for so long that it contributed to her being insecure. These simple things are all that my wife has ever asked of me and for so long I just flat out refused to give them to her. Now that I am meeting her needs, I have never been happier or more satisfied in my marriage! God has brought us from the brink of divorce to where we are today. My love for Him has grown, and I have been able to show my wife the love of God every day.

I haven’t done anything special other that ask for God to be at work and restore my marriage, and He has. I have asked God to change me into the man He always called me to be and give me the heart/will to love my wife according to his word; He has and is doing more so daily. What is going on in today’s church concerning marriage and faithfulness has nothing to do with God’s ability, or lack thereof, to sustain us; the problem is not that God is sleeping on the job. The root of the problem is our selfishness, greed, and dissatisfaction with what God has given us. Our problem also stems from not being committed to Him or His Word; I’m a witness.

Marriage is a reflection of the church (see Eph 5:25-33). Ever wondered why Christ referred to us as a bride? Ever thought about how Christ loves us and cherishes us daily? Ever thought to treat your wife with that kind of caring and tenderness? Christ has never showed us anything other than love and faithfulness. Christ proved His love through His suffering for our sake. As Christian husbands, we can’t conduct our marriages as the world does or love according to their standards. We are accountable to God for how we treat our wives. Christ made himself a servant and we must do the same. Christ’s ministry, his life, was spent demonstrating His love to the people, His church, His bride.

I ain’t perfect, neither is my wife. I know we will have ups and downs, Paul said we would (1 Cor 7:28), but there is something we need to be aware of. Marriage/love is a commitment, not a feeling. My continual prayer and the cry of my heart is for God to keep molding me to suit His purpose and to let me be the man my wife needs day by day. I hate that I didn’t see until now that God had given me everything I ever needed, wanted, or fantasized about when He gave me my wife. She is truly a gift, the woman I prayed for. Love should change us, and that change should be evident. I thank God that He opened my eyes and softened my heart to understand what marriage means and how to be with my wife. Husbands, love your wives.